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Valea Seacă a Caraimanului (Munţii Bucegi)

Se anunţă vreme bună în acest început de septembrie, iar eu şi Hike cu muşchii încă „pompaţi” de ferrate italiene ne gândim să ducem momentul bun şi în Bucegi. Ce să fie, ce să fie păi să fie Seaca Caraimanului, Continue reading read more »

Routine (42)

Routine At the morning alarm I quickly pulled a T-shirt over my head. Still deeply feeling anxiety from the night before, I rushed downstairs to make my two children breakfast. “Jessie” was blaring on the TV. I knew that if I was to calm down, and anything was to be done without my screaming and tears, the TV needed to be off. It was a morning like every other morning. Routine. Soon the pleasant odor of cinnamon raisin oatmeal and freshly ground coffee filled the air. Zoe and Liam finished breakfast, b... read more »

Some Days

Some days I just want to be free, free from the hurt and constant nagging agony of childhood sexual abuse. I want to be free from all of it and go back to the normal life prior to the recovered memories that have overtaken my life these past four years. To wave my hand and AFB never existed. The pain never occurred. Some days, I feel as if my only way to find freedom from what he did to me is to shoot him in the face. To see the terror in his eyes just as the copper wrapped lead round pierces through hi... read more »

The boy Inside Me (37)

Right away that morning I was called to meet with the staff psychologist, Mike. “How are you this morning, Joel?” Mike said to me. I had met him a few days earlier during the intake process and we had already built a rapport. I decided to make things easier by opening my mouth and speaking. “I am sure you have already heard about my vow of silence today,” I said. “Yes, tell me about that,” Mike looked worried that somehow I was not doing this for the right reasons. “Mike, as you already know I am a... read more »

5 lucruri esentiale pe care trebuie să le știi ...

Cei care vor să încheie un contract pentru prestarea de servicii de telefonie mobilă trebuie să țină cont de o serie de aspecte.  Dacă o parte dintre informații sunt cuprinse... Read more read more »

Inside Crying (35)

Day after day the gaping maw of despair and confusion pursued me like a jaguar after a sickly gazelle. I felt like I was stuck in an endless loop, unable to find a way free from the pursuant. I was running out of energy to run, to fight, to heal. I had spent the last 10 months learning about how trauma affects the core of the survivors being. I learned about self worth, various coping and grounding techniques. I was finding normalcy, spending less time with my mistress and finding happiness away from h... read more »

Insanitas

Pronto. E agora estou às voltas com tudo aquilo que não mais queria. Pressa, tropeço, gagueira, insónia e aflição. Mas será o Benedito? (Que aliás não tem nada a ver com isto). Tanto que lutei, que me esforcei - e consegui – para ser intransponível! Barreira de mim, forjada à lenha que um dia ardeu-me inteira a alma, ainda bem, até há pouco tinha congelados, a golpes certeiros, os dizeres de amores e tals. Fali. Teus olhos faliram-me. O senso, o tino e a causa. Teus beneditos olhos, ainda... read more »

After all, never question your pastor. (32)

After my time at Loveland Christian School I returned to public school and began to find my way in the new noisy environment of a large traditional classroom and multiple teachers. I loved the sciences and yet struggled with math, especially algebra. I found the concept of letters representing numbers confusing. My grades suffered. I began to shut down. Recognizing my struggles, I was put into an Accelerated School to catch me up and try to salvage what was left of my educational years. The middle schoo... read more »

Catch Me (31)

Eventually the day came when all of the casseroles had been eaten. The grieving began to wain and turn into a throbbing ache rather than the agonizing, gut-wrenching loss. The weeks following my father’s death are grayed out in the past of forgetfulness. My first memory is of blood being drawn at the clinic near the hospital. The doctors were going to test me for mononucleosis or the “Kissing Disease” because I had been sleeping more than normal. We later found out that I didn't have mono. Instead, I was... read more »

1983 (30)

The holidays were over. I was getting used to writing 2012. I still had many questions regarding the circumstances surrounding the abuse. The one question that stuck out the most was, “Just how did I get into his office in the first place?” As I write this I am still reeling from the answer to this question, and I am not sure if I am ready to heal from it. The pain is still raw and fresh like a stab wound that pierced my artery causing new waves of pain to gush out with every heartbeat. (This is called P... read more »

Break (29)

Bright golden and ruby red leaves on the trees gradually turned to brown and piled high on the ground. Sounds of static and rustling as the cold wintry winds blew the remaining of the summers foliage into what appeared like a leafy drag race to the end of the street. Halloween was a success; my daughter dressed as a punk fairy princess and my son was a superhero. For the first time in recent memory, I was able to enjoy the day. I was learning to understand and cope with what ordinarily is a very traumati... read more »

Veiled (28)

As the anniversary of my first memory approached with the certitude of the orange sun slowly rising out of the deep azure sea each morning, I was beyond exhausted from this seemingly endless journey. I was learning that it was important to take an occasional break from the healing process in order to come back to the work more refreshed and able to find a greater level of success. After each break I was still motivated to continue the work, yet the process was still wearing on me. I understood what was m... read more »

Worth It? (27)

“Why, Why, Why did he do this to me?” I kept asking myself over and over again. What was his motive? Was it to hurt me? Did he hate me? Or was I just a convenient victim groomed for the sole purpose of the pleasure of others. These questions haunted me every waking moment those last few months of 2011. I could not have foreseen the nightmare I was living in could ever get worse. Day after day the hungry maw of despair, depression and betrayal threatened to consume the very life out of me. Like a giant co... read more »

Homicide (25)

Hunched over a mysterious gray object, I lifted my eyes and looked around the room I found myself in. There appeared to have been a struggle of mortal proportions here. The first thing I saw was a chrome and yellow kitchenette chair overturned on the blue and white speckled vinyl tiled floor.The other three chairs had been slammed against the far wall causing chair shaped holes when the dining table was violently pushed aside. A butcher’s knife teetered precariously on the edge of the counter where the d... read more »




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